


My Heart No Longer Belongs To Me

by madchampion



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-18 03:19:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14844666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madchampion/pseuds/madchampion
Summary: Jace and Alec are to become Parabatai, but the ceremony is days away and Alec's feelings have begun to surface.





	My Heart No Longer Belongs To Me

**Author's Note:**

> lolololol i dont know how to write so this is shit oops. its my first fanfic and i dont know how to write lmao

Alec stood at the door of the training room watching Isabelle. He needed someone to talk to and at the moment she was the only person he could trust with this. He wasn't sure where it came from or why he had to be so difficult but it was haunting him. Becoming parabatai was a huge commitment. Alec knew what he'd have to give up and until a few days ago, he had no issue with it.

"What is it big brother?" He heard Isabelle ask, her eyes burning straight into his soul.

"I'm.." Alec hesistated. Did he even want to tell Izzy? Sure he loved and trusted her but this was so new and confusing. "I don't know if I can go through with the Parabatai ceremony, Izzy".

She looked at him, confusion sweeping her features.  "But you and Jace are perfect together. You fight so well together and have an amazing relationship. You know you can trust him, so what's wrong?"

Alec looked down at his feet. She didn't get it and he wasn't sure if he'd let the words leave his mouth.

Isabelle carried on talking when he failed to respond. "I mean, the only reason that someone wouldn't want to go through with it is if they're in love with their potential parabatai anyway but other than that everything about it is great."

Alec glanced up and stared into her eyes, his own glazed over with tears. He saw the moment she understood what he was saying, what he was feeling. He watched as she went from confused to filled with sorrow.

_"No, Alec."_

These words hurt. Those words stabbed Alec in the heart. If Isabelle couldn't understand and accept him, there was no way Jace would.

"You're lucky that you have Jace, Alec. Not many people find their parabatai's and you have. You can always move on from him and find a lover, but you can't find a new parabatai"

Alec knew Izzy was right, but he didn't want to accept the truth. He followed Isabelle's advice and decided to give up. This just be a phase? He might wake up next week not love Jace the same way anymore.   
—————————  
Jace stood in front of the council ready to become parabatai with Alec. This is exactly what Jace wanted. He loved Alec and would do anything to proctect him and Jace knew how lucky he was to find someone to bond himself to for the rest of their lives. He'd been so excited that he turned up early, but now he'd been standing here for half an hour and everyone who needed to be there was there, except for the person he cared for most. Alec.

Jace ran down the halls of the institute searching every corner until he reached Alec's room. Jace peered into the room and failed to see Alec. Refusing to give up, he entered to have a better look and possibly find clue of his whereabouts. Jace silently filtered through the room and began to look through Alec's belongings, only stopping at the sound of soft sobs coming from the attached bathroom.

Jace wearily approached the bathroom door. "Alec?". He pushed the door open and saw Alec on the bathroom floor. Alec was there, sitting with his legs up to his chest, his arms pulling them as close as possible. His head was lowered into the crevices of his knees. Jace watched as Alec's sobs ripped through his body. "Look at me, Alec".

Alec forced his heavy head upright.He was ashamed of himself for being this weak, for letting himself crumble to his lowest and disappoint the people around him. He hated himself for letting his downfall come from something so despicable. 

Jace's heart broke when his eyes connected with the sad, broken eyes of Alec Lightwood. 

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, sorry for the train wreck that this was, just wanted to put my idea out there cause I’ve always imagine a situation like this but I haven’t seen it written. Sorry if someone has written it and I’ve stolen their idea (if there’s a fix with the same sort of story please feel free to share it with me)


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